This Little Light of Mine
Let me introduce myself to you before you start reading: Married since August 2014, been trying to conceive since August 2015. Started blogging soon after. Miscarriage in December 2017. The reason I decided on the name "The Impregnable Woman" is because of the definition of the word impregnable. It means: “strong enough to resist or withstand attack; not to be taken by force;unconquerable”. This means I am strong enough to withstand the attacks that will come in my life (infertility). I will not be taken by force and I refuse to be conquered by infertility and loss. I refuse to let infertility win in my life. So I am, and all women should be, an impregnable woman. Thank you for reading! •~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~•
Recently I was reminded of this song from when I was little.
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!"
This brought back sweet memories of when life was simple.
I grew up in a great household with very little worries in my life.
My parents always loved me and encouraged me to do great things in my life.
I was always allowed to let my light shine and it was never put out by my family.
Then you grow up and realize life is a lot harder sometimes than you realized when you were little.
You realize that other people, circumstances and life events sometimes can snuff your light out.
But you keep going pushing through and you keep re-igniting your little light so you can keep shining.
Next comes a boyfriend and marriage and your light is brighter than ever.
You realize that walking on cloud 9 is a real life event when you are in love.
When you are in love it's hard for anyone tone down that little light of yours.
Then comes starting a family.....
At the beginning your light is so bright and you don't even think of the possibility of your light being blown out.
In those beginning months, your sparks are flying high that you don't realize that all the sudden 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, almost a year has gone by.
You are fully aware that you aren't pregnant yet but you can't help but hold onto the hope of having a baby.
Your light may get dim at times, but it never went out.
You never gave up.
Year one: no baby
Year two: no baby
Year three: no baby
By the time year 3 comes, you look back and you forgot what your little light looked like when it was shining bright.
You realize that somewhere in the midst of infertility you put down or lost your little light.
That's okay.
We've all been there.
We've all dropped our hopes and dreams because they were too painful to carry.
It is nothing to be ashamed of.
We are all human.
I'm writing this not to discourage anyone, but to remind others that you are not alone.
That it's ok if you put your light down for a time, but I'm here to remind you that it is still there.
No matter how deep you bury it.
No matter how far you throw it.
No matter how dim it has become.
It's is still there.
Your little light of your hopes and dreams are still there.
It's ok to be afraid to pick it up again.
It's ok if after you sent your baby to heaven that you are scared.
It's ok to not feel strong enough to pick up your little light again and again and again.
But that's what infertility is.
It is picking up your little light even when you don't want to.
It’s is re-igniting you little light again and again because your future baby is worth it.
You don't have to do it alone though.
Imagine a world where all the women helped pick up each others little lights when one of us was too weak to do so on our own.
Imagine carrying another woman's little light and giving it back to her when she is ready and able.
I’ve had many women carry my light of hopes and dreams of having a baby several times when I wasn’t strong enough to do so myself.
And I am not ashamed of that.
Those women are so important to me because of this.
I now have my light back and I’m carrying it strong.
I still have my moments.
We all do.
But that doesn’t mean I’ve lost all my hopes and dreams.
So whatever your little light signifies in your life, let it shine.
Don’t be afraid to let others help you carry it.
And most importantly, believe that you CAN and you DESERVE to let YOUR light shine.
So with that said, let’s declare this together:
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!"
Just the thoughts and ramblings of The Impregnable Woman.
