The Man's Perspective

Introduction: These are real words, written by my husband. His real thoughts and emotions are exposed for you to see what a man thinks about during infertility. Ladies, please share with your husbands and if your man needs another man to talk to I can get them connected to my husband. Enjoy! I've been known as a prayer warrior and a man of faith. I've been hit with trials and temptations, valleys and canyons yet I have seen them through. However why is it that I don't feel as if I have enough faith to see my wife bare a child? I start to think I'm lacking in what has helped me get through every hard situation in my life. I start to think there is something I have in my life that I have not dealt with that is preventing us to have a child. I have begun to wonder if this my fault. Is there something wrong with me? As the man I'm supposed to provide everything for my wife yet I begin to think this could all be my fault. I regularly stare at the at home fertility test I can take that sits on my dresser. A part of me is afraid to take it because maybe it's me, maybe I'm the reason we can't have kids. Talk about a blow to my ego if I'm the reason we can't have kids. How can my beautiful bride look at me anymore knowing I'm the cause to the lack of this miracle we've wanted for so long? Yet every time I open my social media pages I see the announments that I've desperately wanted for so long. It's hard for me to know the people and know that they are not deserving (in my opinion) of that child. I know they can't provide like I can. I know they will not show that child the same love I can. It doesn't seem fair to me knowing they are already on their 3rd or 4th child and they can barely take care of their other ones. Through all this I can only look to God and wonder if it's going to happen for us. I can't loose hope on this because I know it will happen. The months go by and every month our hopes increase and I have to stand on my faith knowing it will come to pass. I'm learning through all of this that I have to continue to have faith because even though I don't see what's going to happen, I know God does. I know now that I have to have joy for others because I want the same joy given to me. I have to enjoy the season I'm in because if I only worry and have these inward thoughts then I'm not truly letting go and allowing the Creator of the universe to do His job.