Why Me?

Let me introduce myself to you before you start reading: Married since August 2014, been trying to conceive since August 2015. Started blogging soon after. Miscarriage in December 2017. The reason I decided on the name "The Impregnable Woman" is because of the definition of the word impregnable. It means: “strong enough to resist or withstand attack; not to be taken by force;unconquerable”. This means I am strong enough to withstand the attacks that will come in my life (infertility). I will not be taken by force and I refuse to be conquered by infertility and loss. I refuse to let infertility win in my life. So I am, and all women should be, an impregnable woman. Thank you for reading! •~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~• 

That is the question we all ask ourselves.

Why me?

Why do I have to go through this?

Why does she get a baby and I don't?

Why do I have to wait so long?

WHY ME?

To be honest I absolutely do NOT have the answer.

I don't think we ever will.

When we are stuck in the world of infertility, I don't think we realize that sometimes we are stuck on the "why me?" train too.

What do I mean?

I mean that our minds get consumed in the stress and worries that come with infertility.

We sometimes start to think that nothing will ever work out for us.

Month after month we don't get to see our sweet baby growing inside.

For some, year after year we see other peoples children grow up and ours are nowhere to be found.

Then for some, they never get to see their own flesh and blood.

This becomes a draining process that all ends in one question: WHY ME?

All I can say is that instead of focusing on what you are lacking, focus on the incredible things you do have.

Instead of asking "why me?", start declaring that you love yourself.

Too often we are focused on the negative in our lives that we start forgetting to love ourselves.

We forget to love our lives (outside of infertility).

We forget to love the ones closest to us to our fullest ability.

We forget to love our bodies.

Don't forget that the fact that you are alive is a spectacular miracle in itself.

I mean think about it, our moms gave birth to us and we get the chance to live our lives to the fullest.

If I am consumed in the "why me?" mindset then life is going to just pass me by.

It would be as if I am sitting in a train that isn't moving, yet everything and everyone around me is.

I have been in that train before and it's not fun.

It is empty and lonely.

It is a one way train to "why me" town.

Population count: me.

Basically what I am saying is that, you could be on the train and not know it yet.

Or maybe you are stuck and you don't know how to get out.

How did I get out of the "why me" train?

I decided to go against the grain and what my feelings were telling me.

I decided that infertility makes me wallow in the "why me?" train and I wasn't ready to arrive at my destination.

I decided to speak up.

I decided to share with the world that this is what I am going through and they can join me if they would like.

I didn't want to be alone in this.

I don't want anyone else to be alone either.

I'm not saying that everyone has to lay their business out on the table for everyone to read.

I'm not saying you have to suddenly start a blog.

I'm saying that you need an outlet.

You need to find an exit from the train.

Do whatever it takes to get off that train.

For me it is writing.

For you it could be drawing, singing, running, boxing, crafting, cleaning, organizing....etc.

I can't stress this enough.

Try something, even if you think you will be bad at it, just try it!

And if you fail, try something else.

I want to encourage anyone that reads this, to start writing down what you are going through.

You don't EVER have to share it with ANYONE.

I have found that when I see my thoughts and feelings ON PAPER it has changed the way I think.

I don't know why or how.

But it does.

I want to challenge you to try writing something.

And if no words come out, just start scribbling on the paper until SOMETHING comes out.

DON'T SETTLE FOR THE "WHY ME?" TRAIN.

DON'T FORGET TO LOVE YOURSELF.

DON'T FORGET TO LOVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE.

One day you will be ok.

You will feel normal again,

You will smile again.

You will laugh again.

You are valuable.

You are important.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Just the thoughts and ramblings of the impregnable woman.